You could say, like the quote, "I have mastered the art of bouncing back." Now I need to finish the lesson and figure out the art of not having to. What am I bouncing back from? I call it an entrepreneurial breakdown. I am sure it would be like visiting New York City for the first time. There are so may things to experience that you overload your itinerary with so many activities that you miss the whole thing. You never get the chance to come up for air and experience the real magic of the city. That's exactly how I spent the first two trips to NYC and on the third trip I said "fuck it," seriously, that's what I said and I had no plan. I walked where I wanted, went to the sites at my own pace. If something interesting appeared in my peripheral vision then I wondered off and experienced it. I had no show tickets, no bus tours. The only date I consistently kept was with the Irish bartender in the hotel bar. I enjoyed hearing his accent more then I did my drink and it was a great way to end my day in the city. 

My mind doesn't work like my husbands. He usually has three working goals that consist of: meeting his performance goal at work, cutting our firewood and making sure the bills are paid on time. I know I am over simplifying but I know that I overthink. 

My mind works like this: I could die today. My brother could die today. My kids could die today. Did Lydia get her softball bag. Did my son really wear shorts to school in February. I need to finish editing that session. I need to get my dog and cuddle. I really have to meet that magazine deadline. I should call this client about their payment. I should write a book. I should start a t shirt company. I could buy a food truck. I could do a 52 week photo project for my brother. In the middle of all those ideas I haven't showered, ate breakfast or brushed my teeth. All of this crosses my mind before 7am. That is how my mind works. It is a myriad of hopes, dreams, fears and ideas. Some brilliant and others crippling. Just like those thoughts my life has reflected it over the past 4 years. I have had moments of brilliance and moments that I did not want to get out of bed.

I have been bouncing back...baby step by baby step. I have accepted defeat in many areas and to that again I have said, 'fuck it," I tried. It didn't work out. I don't have the time. I don't have the motivation. I don't have the real pull to travel in that direction any time soon and most importantly, I don't care what anyone thinks of my failure. What has remained constant even when I have tried to pray it away is my desire to hold my camera in my hand and create something that makes you look at it for a few seconds longer. I am reminded of how the family pictures on my grandmothers wall made me feel loved and prayed for by the people in them whom I had never met. I appreciated all the lines in my great grandfathers face from his picture under the maple tree because my grandpa had told me many stories of how those lines most likely got their definition. I am reminded every time I enter my house and I see the 30x40 canvas of a pink rose on my mothers casket that it tells part of my story. The image of children laughing in the dining room tells my story. Every time I pick up my camera I am in fact writing my own book and yours with the stories I capture and the biggest lesson I have learned is.... It is Enough. 

Amanda Reed and the word settling have never gone hand in hand. I have always had something to prove to someone but I couldn't remember the last time I proved something to myself and life was handing me up that opportunity on a platter. I proved to myself that it was okay to fail. It is okay for life not to look the way you imagined it. It is okay to say I am content. 

This week I am bouncing back to Florida. Four years ago I was the keynote speaker at little convention called SYNC and the truth is it isn't so little at all. Four years ago and I would change so many things about what was in my presentation. Four years ago I believed things that no longer have any bearing on my life or business because in four years life has slowed me down with a lot of painful changes I did not ask for but in that pain I found what was important. I am excited to be bouncing back to a place that inspires the creative in me. I am excited to be bouncing back to learning, friendship and craftsmanship. 

I know there will always be things to bounce back from and rather than learning the art of not having to bounce back.... I have my sights set on bouncing back with humility and grace.